Chapter One
“I am so blessed. Thank you God for everything that you have given me. Nothing can get me down,” Alex thinks to herself as she walks around their new apartment.
Life with Adam and Katrina is great. “We have a beautiful baby girl ,” Alex thinks to herself as she stares down at the doll like face of her child.
They decided to get a larger two bedroom apartment. Their growing family needed the room.
They settle into a routine of work and spending time together as a family. Alex sits on the couch after moving the last unpacked box into the kitchen to be taken out for recycling. Alex is so grateful Katrina slept while she straightened up the apartment.
With a large sigh Alex reflects on the wedding that occurred months ago. Alex never had a dream of what her wedding would be like most women. She never thought any guy could love her. Alex loves Adam and never considered them as not being married. Alex feels like they have always known each other.
Alex’s parents kept asking her when they were going to get married. They asked her so many times that she finally told them a date without discussing it with Adam.
When she tells Adam about the conversation with her parents and how she just blurted a date he just rubs her growing belly and smiles. Adam understands. Alex hopes he understands. She does not ask him because she is afraid of what he might say.
Adam looks at her with his hazel eyes of love and says, “You have to stop letting them tell you what to do.”
It is what Alex is trying to avoid. Alex knows Adam is right but she becomes an insecure twelve year old girl when she talks to her parents. Her immediate instinct is to tell them what they wanted to hear.
Alex did not need a ceremony but it was important to Doris and Alexander. Alex did not want to disappoint them. They were already upset with her for being pregnant before being married. Alex does not mind the ceremony.
Besides she needs the insurance. Being married to Adam means she can be on his insurance. Having a baby can be expensive.
Alex works really hard at her job and being the best mommy after Katrina was born. She is always there for Katrina. It is tiring but she wants to prove that she is and would have been a good mother. Alex thinks there is nothing that can ruin this time in her life. Alexander and Doris may put pressure on her but they cannot touch her from their home in New York. Alex felt more confident when she was not with her parents.
Adam is a good dad. He adores Katrina. Katrina is a name Alex has always loved. She knew she would name her first child Katrina.
Katrina is a happy little girl and a little spoiled from all the attention Alex shows her. Alex knows Katrina will love and accept Alex for who she is. Mommy.
Alex is very protective of her daughter. Alex wants to raise Katrina to be a strong and confident woman. A woman that is nothing like Alex. The type of woman who looks into a person’s heart. She will not be fooled by pretty words and good looks.
Chapter Two
Alex lays on the couch. Alex is exhausted she tries to be better than Doris. Doris would have all the packing and cleaning done by now. It took Alex a whole week to unpack everything. Cleaning up the other apartment took some time but since that apartment was not huge it did not take a lot of time. Doris would have been done in two days.
Alex looks at the clock. It is three in the morning. Way past bed time. Alex is a little disappointed in herself for not finishing sooner. Alex falls asleep on the couch.
Alex opens her eyes slowly. It is like someone has put a dot in front of her right eye. Alex closes her eyes and blinks a few times. She cannot see through her right eye.
“Adam something is wrong. I cannot see out of this eye,” she says as she points to her right eye.
Alex has never been so scared. “Just see the eye doctor. It will be ok,” Adam says reassuringly.
“Adam is right there is nothing to be worried about.” Alex thinks this all weekend. While Adam takes Katrina to daycare Alex makes an emergency appointment with the eye doctor and calls in sick from work. Adam takes Alex to the eye doctor. During the drive Alex does not say anything. She is worried and wonders what the doctor will say.
“Are you going to be OK going in by yourself? I have to get to work but if you want me to come with you, then I will.”
“I will be OK. You go ahead to work. I will call you when I am ready for you to pick me up,” Alex says with a confidence she does not feel.
They call Alex’s name. After a series of eye exams the doctor looks at Alex as if he is preparing himself. The eye doctor tells Alex that she has optical neuritis and he suggests that she see a neurologist. The eye doctor explains that it might be something minor but he wants to be safe.
Chapter Three
The next day Alex is scared when she goes to the neurologist. Alex wonders what could possibly be wrong with her. The ophthalmologist said something about multiple sclerosis. “I hope that it is not MS,” Alex thinks to herself. Alex knows very little about MS.
Alex waits nervously in the waiting room of the neurologist office. She is tired of reading the same magazine and puts it down. She is grateful that she can still see through her left eye. When her name is called she goes in and meets the neurologist. He seems like a good man and she trusts his knowledge.
The neurologist believes it might be multiple sclerosis. Alex is scared and prays that he is mistaken. What she does know about MS is not good.
Alex is so scared she does not know what to say. The neurologist makes an appointment for her to have tests done and for her to receive steroids by IV in order to regain her vision.
Alex lays still as they inject her with the MRI contrast dye. The MRI machine is a scary metal tube. Alex is grateful that she is not claustrophobic as looks at the tube she will have to lay in for the next hour. It is the first time Alex wishes she did not have her vision back.
“What type of music do you like?” The technician hands her a binder full of CDs.
“Pop.”
“Pick one of the CDs. You can wear these headphones and just relax. Do not move and this will be done soon. A lot of people just go to sleep.”
Alex says a quick prayer as she goes into the tube. Alex hears every rattle and sound made by the MRI. With every noise Alex prays that the results will say that she does not have MS.
Chapter Four
Several days later Alex nervously goes into the doctor’s office. The doctor tells her the results of her the MRI. He says that she does have MS. There are lesions in your brain.
“Does the herpes have anything to do with the MS?”
“No.”
Adam picks Alex up from the doctor’s office. She tells him what the doctor said.
Alex calls and tells Doris. Doris says, “Do not claim it.” Alex is not sure what that means. At her next appointment the doctor tells Alex about her options for treatment. It is expensive. Alex knows she and Adam do not have the money for the treatment especially with a new baby.
Alex decides not to claim the MS. She prays to God. She reads somewhere that herpes can be mistaken for MS.
Alex feels she does not have MS. Alex gets the feeling that herpes has something to do with her condition.
Chapter Five
Doris tells Alex to mail the x-rays to her and she will get a second opinion. Alex does what Doris asks of her without thinking about it. Alex sends the x-rays to Doris. Doris gets a second opinion but Alex does not understand the point of doing this because she is not claiming it. Alex decides to let Doris have the x-rays.
The doctor that Doris goes to confirms that Alex does have MS. Alex is more than disappointed. She does not know what this means for her. She prays for help.
“I take your hand Jesus. Wherever you lead me I will follow.”
Chapter Six
Alex decides to take time to work on herself. MS is not curable. The doctor said she had to start taking medication after her second relapse.
“You don’t want to start losing your memory. You have a beautiful daughter. You do not want to forget her?” says the doctor in an ominous tone.
She goes to a support group for people affected by abortion. She forgives Alexander and Doris. More importantly she forgives herself for having an abortion.
She examines her life and the people in it. Alex notices that there is an unhealthy trend beginning to develop after Alexander and Doris move into the same area. She is losing herself. Away from Alexander and Doris she is confident. She actually likes herself.
Adam has pushed her to be confident in her decisions. Alex is not that confident around Alexander and Doris. Alex does not like the person she is turning back into.
“I been through a rape and I have MS. I walked with Jesus and he led me to a wonderful husband and three great kids. I am a victor. I am not a victim.”
Alex comes home after work. The home she and Adam bought after having their second child.
Alex falls asleep while praying. When Alex awakens she hears the birds chirping outside of her window. The sun is shining. She looks in on her three beautiful children. She thanks God for each of them. Alex leaves their rooms and gets ready for work. Alex cannot wait to see what the future holds. She knows with God, Adam, and her kids there is nothing that she cannot overcome.
Dear God,
Thank you for all that you have given me. I will always remember that I am a victor because of you.
Your servant,
Alex
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